I Had a Baby, I Had a Blessing

Children are a blessing from Allah, I don't think there is a Muslim in the world that can argue against that. I've been told that "it takes a village to raise a child" and when a woman has a child the whole community comes together for the new baby and mom. I had a baby, a blessing that adds joy to our family each and every day but I have no one to share that joy with. Everyone thinks their child is special, I'm no different...mash Allah my little boy is amazing and I'm so in love. His sisters love him, his dad adores him and when I think about his future I can't help but be filled with joy. So why is it so hard for other women in my community to be happy for me? Complete and utter strangers have no problem striking up a conversation with me and congratulating me on my little guy. Muslims stare, look straight through me, and the ones that will talk to me act like they don't notice the baby in this massive heavy car seat that occasionally gets lugged around. Three people from my kids' school have actually said something about my baby to me, this can't be normal, after all it's the "religious" Muslims that send their kids to the Islamic school. Don't they know children are a blessing? Or are children only a blessing when certain people have them?

I know this is partly my fault for thinking about someone else's feelings, but here it goes. I had a "friend" who I met at my kids school 2.5 years ago. When I found out I was pregnant she was the first friend I excitedly told. Her first reaction was not congratulations, but "I thought you didn't want anymore kids". I was a little put off by that comment as whenever someone else fell pregnant she always acted happy for them. I have no idea why it was different for me. A couple of weeks after I told her that I was pregnant she told me she was pregnant too. I congratulated her. Then a week later she tells me she was never pregnant and never took a test, I thought it was odd, but hey we all do things differently. A few more weeks passed by and I receive a call that this woman had a miscarriage (not with the non pregnancy, but a separate one). I'm sorry but something inside me was just telling me that she was lying. All the details didn't make sense, time wise, date of baby, what it's like to actually go through a miscarriage. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I told her how sorry I was for her. By the time I had my son I decided that if she had in fact had a miscarriage it would be best to just wait and let her call me. I didn't want to upset her. She knew I was pregnant, she knew how far along I was and she knew I had complications. It was 3 weeks before she called, I missed that call, but didn't notice until the next day. Since she was working I sent her a text asking how she was doing and didn't hear back for five days. When she responded with a text she never asked about baby, and instead was going on about how her kids missed my kids and how they wanted to talk to them. It's odd because her kids started going to a different school more than a year ago and they never missed my kids. We've had the kids together after school before and all her kids do is whine or act miserable. My response to the text was "yea maybe later then" (stupid response on my part). A few days later I received another text from her asking if anyone I knew needed a double stroller. It was at this time I decided that this is a friend I can do without, I didn't answer that text and have no intention of ever doing so, I hope she gets the message (pun intended).

I've become really sensitive about people not caring that I've had a baby, the hypocrites that cry how having a tonne of children is a gift, about what a celebratory time it is and seeing people literally turn their back towards me all adds to the moments of baby blues. I swear if it weren't for my husband right now I would be an emotional wreck. 

What Am I Supposed To Do About This?

There is this woman who whenever I see constantly stares at me. Always so intently that I'm surprised she hasn't bumped into a wall or tripped over something while she's doing it. I have seen this woman once or twice at a family halaqa four years ago, and more recently a few dozen times at garage sales rushing around frantically looking for whatever it is she's looking for. In the beginning I'd smile at her while she's staring, but I  always got a blank emotionless look in response, so I've stopped smiling at her.
When my oldest started kindergarten, she saw me picking up my daughter and her stares just got more intense. Her older, maybe ten year old daughter has since picked up the habit of rudely gawking at me too.
As it turns out this woman has her other daughter in the same preschool as my youngest, they just attend on different schedules. We had a field trip today with all the classes attending together. That woman was there staring away, but not as intensely as before. This woman walking past me at one point, shoved me so hard on the left side of my arm, being that I'm pregnant, I shoved her right back. She said nothing, I said nothing. On top of this when my daughter was talking to her daughter she turned her child away from mine and said something in Tamil, which I can only guess what it was.
I don't know this woman at all aside from "seeing" her around, I've never talked to her and vice versa. I do know that this woman has plenty of friends though, and is part of a certain brainwashing new converts crowd. I know when someone hates me, but how do I stop this? I was so close to approaching her ten year old daughter while she was staring at me today, but I didn't, it wouldn't have been appropriate. How do you deal with such odd behaviour from someone like this?

The Muslims You Meet

I'm sure no one remembers who I am and that's OK none of you ever befriended me anyways. Maybe it was my strong objection to conforming to the stereotypical, "life never gets to me Muslim", or maybe it was because I'm not of your culture, or maybe it's because I'm not a new Muslim...I'm damaged goods and people like me are too late to save. It could also be because I've figured out that overly religious appearing people are usually not that religious, and that's how you like to act......oh yea I've figured you out, if you are so religious why didn't anyone help me when I needed it?!?!?!??!

My imam is at an all time low, my plans and hopes have gone down the toilet. Ideas for the mosque were trampled on, spit on and forever forgotten by old cultural men that run every aspect of the Muslim community here. I was let down time and time again, the one time I asked for help everyone disappeared, the help wasn't for me, but for the people in Syria. It's disgusting how materialistic people are but they can't throw $1 towards people who are suffering unless it's Ramadan.

I gave up wearing my head scarf last February. Yea say what you will, assume the worst of me, gossip about me and degrade me. After all, that's what people here did, I'm no longer welcome in the Muslim community, I was removed from all 5 of the community events email lists by someone who happily had some stranger pay off their credit card debt. Ain't that great. All I did was remove a 3 foot piece of cloth from my head, I didn't deny what I was doing was wrong, I didn't convert to another religion, I didn't cheat on my husband and I sure didn't kill anyone. Now if I belonged to one of the major cultural Muslim groups here, I could gamble, lie, cheat and steal and still be considered a Muslim, you might even want to help me improve my life. I'm white, I chose Islam and you've expected nothing but the best from me, despite being human, I'm not allowed to make mistakes, I must fall in line!

Tell me oh righteous and religious people of the world, where do you get off treating people like this? Excluding your "sister" in Islam......btw that word is severely abused. Shameful. Disgusting. You isolate people, dawa is not just for the non Muslims. As much as I worry for myself on the day of judgement I worry for the people who stand there as hypocrites and push others further and further from Islam.