Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I Had a Baby, I Had a Blessing

Children are a blessing from Allah, I don't think there is a Muslim in the world that can argue against that. I've been told that "it takes a village to raise a child" and when a woman has a child the whole community comes together for the new baby and mom. I had a baby, a blessing that adds joy to our family each and every day but I have no one to share that joy with. Everyone thinks their child is special, I'm no different...mash Allah my little boy is amazing and I'm so in love. His sisters love him, his dad adores him and when I think about his future I can't help but be filled with joy. So why is it so hard for other women in my community to be happy for me? Complete and utter strangers have no problem striking up a conversation with me and congratulating me on my little guy. Muslims stare, look straight through me, and the ones that will talk to me act like they don't notice the baby in this massive heavy car seat that occasionally gets lugged around. Three people from my kids' school have actually said something about my baby to me, this can't be normal, after all it's the "religious" Muslims that send their kids to the Islamic school. Don't they know children are a blessing? Or are children only a blessing when certain people have them?

I know this is partly my fault for thinking about someone else's feelings, but here it goes. I had a "friend" who I met at my kids school 2.5 years ago. When I found out I was pregnant she was the first friend I excitedly told. Her first reaction was not congratulations, but "I thought you didn't want anymore kids". I was a little put off by that comment as whenever someone else fell pregnant she always acted happy for them. I have no idea why it was different for me. A couple of weeks after I told her that I was pregnant she told me she was pregnant too. I congratulated her. Then a week later she tells me she was never pregnant and never took a test, I thought it was odd, but hey we all do things differently. A few more weeks passed by and I receive a call that this woman had a miscarriage (not with the non pregnancy, but a separate one). I'm sorry but something inside me was just telling me that she was lying. All the details didn't make sense, time wise, date of baby, what it's like to actually go through a miscarriage. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I told her how sorry I was for her. By the time I had my son I decided that if she had in fact had a miscarriage it would be best to just wait and let her call me. I didn't want to upset her. She knew I was pregnant, she knew how far along I was and she knew I had complications. It was 3 weeks before she called, I missed that call, but didn't notice until the next day. Since she was working I sent her a text asking how she was doing and didn't hear back for five days. When she responded with a text she never asked about baby, and instead was going on about how her kids missed my kids and how they wanted to talk to them. It's odd because her kids started going to a different school more than a year ago and they never missed my kids. We've had the kids together after school before and all her kids do is whine or act miserable. My response to the text was "yea maybe later then" (stupid response on my part). A few days later I received another text from her asking if anyone I knew needed a double stroller. It was at this time I decided that this is a friend I can do without, I didn't answer that text and have no intention of ever doing so, I hope she gets the message (pun intended).

I've become really sensitive about people not caring that I've had a baby, the hypocrites that cry how having a tonne of children is a gift, about what a celebratory time it is and seeing people literally turn their back towards me all adds to the moments of baby blues. I swear if it weren't for my husband right now I would be an emotional wreck.