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Wednesday, December 17, 2014

I Had a Baby, I Had a Blessing

Children are a blessing from Allah, I don't think there is a Muslim in the world that can argue against that. I've been told that "it takes a village to raise a child" and when a woman has a child the whole community comes together for the new baby and mom. I had a baby, a blessing that adds joy to our family each and every day but I have no one to share that joy with. Everyone thinks their child is special, I'm no different...mash Allah my little boy is amazing and I'm so in love. His sisters love him, his dad adores him and when I think about his future I can't help but be filled with joy. So why is it so hard for other women in my community to be happy for me? Complete and utter strangers have no problem striking up a conversation with me and congratulating me on my little guy. Muslims stare, look straight through me, and the ones that will talk to me act like they don't notice the baby in this massive heavy car seat that occasionally gets lugged around. Three people from my kids' school have actually said something about my baby to me, this can't be normal, after all it's the "religious" Muslims that send their kids to the Islamic school. Don't they know children are a blessing? Or are children only a blessing when certain people have them?

I know this is partly my fault for thinking about someone else's feelings, but here it goes. I had a "friend" who I met at my kids school 2.5 years ago. When I found out I was pregnant she was the first friend I excitedly told. Her first reaction was not congratulations, but "I thought you didn't want anymore kids". I was a little put off by that comment as whenever someone else fell pregnant she always acted happy for them. I have no idea why it was different for me. A couple of weeks after I told her that I was pregnant she told me she was pregnant too. I congratulated her. Then a week later she tells me she was never pregnant and never took a test, I thought it was odd, but hey we all do things differently. A few more weeks passed by and I receive a call that this woman had a miscarriage (not with the non pregnancy, but a separate one). I'm sorry but something inside me was just telling me that she was lying. All the details didn't make sense, time wise, date of baby, what it's like to actually go through a miscarriage. I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I told her how sorry I was for her. By the time I had my son I decided that if she had in fact had a miscarriage it would be best to just wait and let her call me. I didn't want to upset her. She knew I was pregnant, she knew how far along I was and she knew I had complications. It was 3 weeks before she called, I missed that call, but didn't notice until the next day. Since she was working I sent her a text asking how she was doing and didn't hear back for five days. When she responded with a text she never asked about baby, and instead was going on about how her kids missed my kids and how they wanted to talk to them. It's odd because her kids started going to a different school more than a year ago and they never missed my kids. We've had the kids together after school before and all her kids do is whine or act miserable. My response to the text was "yea maybe later then" (stupid response on my part). A few days later I received another text from her asking if anyone I knew needed a double stroller. It was at this time I decided that this is a friend I can do without, I didn't answer that text and have no intention of ever doing so, I hope she gets the message (pun intended).

I've become really sensitive about people not caring that I've had a baby, the hypocrites that cry how having a tonne of children is a gift, about what a celebratory time it is and seeing people literally turn their back towards me all adds to the moments of baby blues. I swear if it weren't for my husband right now I would be an emotional wreck. 

8 comments:

  1. Congratulations, mashallah. I don't understand this Muslim community you're around ? Maybe you should try to move away from them. They sound like a really odd group of people.

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  2. Congrats on the birth of your little boy! I'm sorry about your difficulties with the Muslim community.

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  3. Assalamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barkatuh <3 First off, masha Allah tabarakallahh! I pray that Allah blesses you and your little munchkin and i pray that He continues to make him the coolness of your eyes. I pray that He blesses you and your familyyy and all those who have made you feel accepted.

    subhanallah! i havent been on blogger in a long while, and At first i was all excited and squeals when i saw the title of the post. Certainly children ARE a blessing from Allah. but then i reached the end, feeling heart broken, then i went through your previous posts, and i just couldnt take it anymore. It just doesnt make sense to me how humans could act this way, let alone muslims. I know i've been living in a bubble so much so that the first time i ever said salam to a person and i was ignored, i felt heart broken and scared to say it again.

    May Allah be pleased with you. There is certainly one thing i know for sure, that Allah tests those He loves more so that He expiates their sins, and perhaps Allah wishes for you to return to Him with a clean slate, with no sins whatsoever to your name and to your family's name. May Allah be pleased with you for your endurance, and may He continue to give you the strength to carry on even when you feel you can't go on. I pray you would be amongst those people who would be amazed on the day of judgement to find out that all those struggles only rose you to the highest of levels in Jannah. subhanallah it might be that in the sight of Allah you are worth more than this earth and all that it contains, and that you are of His most beloved of servants *cyber hugs you tightly*

    even when people around you desert ypu, know that Allah's angels are guarding you and making du'a for you. it's really sad what muslims have become in this day and age. I pray that Allah bless you with people that you can truly call friends and sisters, and i pray He blesses you with that true feeling of sisterhood.

    Subhanallah! i don't know where you are and i know i'm probably countries away from you, but know that you have sisters from around the globe who have you in their hearts. and i know with all that has happened these words might sound empty, but Allah is my withness that i mean all i say. and i would love to keep in touch just to find out how you are doing (would have sent this as a private message but this is my best bet).

    Kiss your adorable little muchkin on my behalf <3 . May Allah protect him and all your kids from the negatives of the society in which they live, and may Allah only open their eyes to goodness, and make them be the chanbe we all want to see. May Allah be pleased with you and your family.

    Much much love from your sister between Hungary and Nigeria <3

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  4. Thank you anonymous. Unfortunately there are a lot of Muslims that have similar complaints about the Muslim community in their area. Some people have it so bad that they leave Islam, not because they find something wrong with the religion, but the emotional stress is just too much for them. Sometimes I do want to move away from here, it's not so simple though when you have kids. Hubby has work here with connections that took him years to build, if we left it would have to be for something we know would be better, but only Allah knows.

    Suzanne thank you :) I hope you're doing well.

    Alaikum Salam Bint Salih thank you for everything you said and ameen to your duas.
    I'm in Canada, it's neat to see you're in Hungary,my mom's family is originally from Budapest. Your words don"t sound empty, but my experience with people in the last 9 years has been less than positive to say the least, so it's hard if not impossible to trust anyone. I'm sure I've missed out on some genuine friendships over the years due to my apprehension, but lately I've been having trouble sleeping thinking about all the nastiness, hurt, lies and hypocrisy that exists within the Muslims I've met. I can't let these people affect me like this and yet they continue to do so. I don't know how to move forward and past these feelings so I choose to be socially isolated out of protection.

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  5. Asalaamu alaikum

    Oh my this is your third right? I remember that the more kids I had the less people cared as if only the first ones mattered. Heartbreaking for sure! By the time I was pregnant for the 10th everyone could care less! I reached out to people on the internet (sisters group) and they were so kind. One sister sent my daughter a gift masha Allah. I don't even know her in real life! Trust me that one gift meant so much to me and I will never forget it ! So sister! Please send me your address and your new baby will be getting a darling present from us insha Allah. Love you for the sake of Allah. Hugs and kisses for you and your baby!

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  6. Salam aleikum dear sister! What can I say? Muslims are not perfect, a cliché but true. You have to find truth with Allah (SWT). Allah (SWT) exists whatever people say and do. If we think that we will find comfort only with other people we will be lost. The other day I said to my husband about family in Palestine that they pray, alhamdulilah, and also extra prayers and are veiled and the next minute backbite and don't practise the teachings of islam in every-day life. That is life. But some times you will find a gem in the shape of a friend. For me, I depend on my husband and children and don't mind not having really close sister-friends. I am born, raised and living in Sweden. And also when you came to Islam I think your faith is tested to see if it is real, it is not always a picnic!! Take great care of yourself and yourself and your little precious baby-boy!!/ S Susan

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  7. Asalaamu Alaikum

    I've been thinking about you. Please contact me at omwits at gmail.com. I really want to send something to your little one insha Allah. Hugs.

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  8. Mashallah, congratulations on the birth of your baby boy. Its hard sometimes to realize that some people just don;'t know how to be happy for others.

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