The Preschool Bully

(photo credit: http://moms.popsugar.com )

You can tell a lot about the nature of the parents, by the actions of their children. The values you teach your children in their first few years will leave a mark on them for the rest of their life. Most of the children in my daughter's preschool are genuinely good kids, my daughter plays well with them and vice versa. Every year though it seems that there is one (or more) kid that ruins what should be a fun preschool experience. Last year it was a group of three siblings that liked to use foul language and this year it's a child that is physically abusive. Sad fact is preschoolers can be bullies. Exclusion, physical aggression and teaming up against another child are all examples of bullying. Many people have a hard time labeling a four year old as a bully and don't even believe bullies exist until grade three and beyond.

The preschool my daughter attends operates two very small classes, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. I'm talking about one to five kids in any class on any given day. There are reasons for this, but I won't go into that. Basically there are days when the physically abusive child or "the bad kid" as my daughter has come to call him, is there with her and no one else, there are also other days when he's with four other kids. The days when he is alone with my daughter or with my daughter and another child are the worst. As soon as we get in the car I hear about how this bad kid had pushed her, hit her or put glue in her hair.  From what my four year old tells me this "bad kid only hits girls". My daughter usually loves going to preschool, but I've recently found her to be a little more clingy and generally less happy after dealing with this other child. Unfortunately the teacher has been pretty useless in providing any information or resolutions to this problem. During a talk I had with the teacher, she had blamed this child for being violent towards her. If it wasn't for my daughter telling me what has been going on I would have never really known. It's very disappointing that this issue is not being handled or addressed properly at all by the teacher
.
I chose this preschool for my daughter because it's an Islamic preschool, no Halloween or emphasis on any other holiday we don't celebrate. I wanted to have the Islamic values that we teach at home to be reinforced by the teacher and practiced by her peers. I understand there will be kids like this in any preschool, but it's the handling of the situation that bothers me, it really makes me angry for my daughter. No one wants to see their child being bullied.

Growing Our Family

For the past three years my husband and I (mostly I) have been debating, deciding and mulling over the idea of having another child. The decision for him was much easier. Life with two kids has really been wonderful and I felt like I didn't want to disrupt the rhythm and ease of my two girls. But, as I'm not getting any younger (not that I'm old), we decided it was time to have another baby. I am so thrilled to be adding a third child to our family. My five year old has been excited from day one, my four year old took a little while to warm up to the idea of becoming a big sister, but is now really excited and wants to come with me to all my doctor appointments. MashAllah, I'm currently 15 weeks along and this pregnancy hasn't been anything like the first two. With my first I had minimal morning sickness that didn't last for too long. My second pregnancy I was very sick, but I was lucky enough to have slept very well. This pregnancy the morning sickness lasted from 6-12 weeks and I'm still not getting much sleep, some days I'm so tired I forget the simplest tasks and the days just melt together. This third pregnancy so far has been different in so many ways, I don't know if it's because it's been five years since my last pregnancy, but there are little things I'm noticing.
1) I feel much calmer this time around, I don't know if it's hormones or what but I'm pretty relaxed.
2) I think I'm going to need to be in maternity clothes in a couple of weeks, with my first I was in them barely at 26 weeks and then 20 weeks with my second.
3) No one gushes over a third pregnancy. With my first everyone was jumping for joy asking what they could buy for baby Some people were jumping for joy with the second, and this one people are mostly happy, but it's just more like "oh look she's having another baby".
4) This is probably connected to number one, but I know what both a c-section and a vaginal birth are like, there's no mystery and fear about the unknown (there's still a little fear of the known).
5) I don't feel like I have to buy everything Toys R Us sells for baby. Babies need love, clothes, diapers, a car seat and a place to sleep. Not everything has to be new either.
6) Kids, once they are happy about the idea of another sibling are really eager to help out their mama. This type of help was hard to come by during my first pregnancy while my husband was at work.
7) Finally, no one gives you unasked for advice anymore (thank God!), they figure after having your second child you must be a pro.

What Am I Supposed To Do About This?

There is this woman who whenever I see constantly stares at me. Always so intently that I'm surprised she hasn't bumped into a wall or tripped over something while she's doing it. I have seen this woman once or twice at a family halaqa four years ago, and more recently a few dozen times at garage sales rushing around frantically looking for whatever it is she's looking for. In the beginning I'd smile at her while she's staring, but I  always got a blank emotionless look in response, so I've stopped smiling at her.
When my oldest started kindergarten, she saw me picking up my daughter and her stares just got more intense. Her older, maybe ten year old daughter has since picked up the habit of rudely gawking at me too.
As it turns out this woman has her other daughter in the same preschool as my youngest, they just attend on different schedules. We had a field trip today with all the classes attending together. That woman was there staring away, but not as intensely as before. This woman walking past me at one point, shoved me so hard on the left side of my arm, being that I'm pregnant, I shoved her right back. She said nothing, I said nothing. On top of this when my daughter was talking to her daughter she turned her child away from mine and said something in Tamil, which I can only guess what it was.
I don't know this woman at all aside from "seeing" her around, I've never talked to her and vice versa. I do know that this woman has plenty of friends though, and is part of a certain brainwashing new converts crowd. I know when someone hates me, but how do I stop this? I was so close to approaching her ten year old daughter while she was staring at me today, but I didn't, it wouldn't have been appropriate. How do you deal with such odd behaviour from someone like this?

MashAllah, Kids Make It Look So Easy

My husband took our four year old out for Jummah prayer today. After the service a little girl came up to my daughter and the conversation goes something like this:

Little girl - "Hi, I'm Zaynab"

My daughter - "Do you want to play with me?"

Little girl - "OK"

So off they go and play. If only it were so easy for adults, mashAllah kids are great, no preconceived notions, no judgements, just 100% innocence and a desire to socialize and have fun. Let's take note.

...I'm Back, InshAllah....I promise

The last post I wrote was not my shinning moment. That was a pretty low point in my life, I wish I could tell you that everything has turned around, but it hasn't. I truly appreciate all the comments, words of care, concern and understanding more than you'll ever know. I'm going to keep going with this blog, it's been on my mind for a while, but I wasn't sure where to begin or if I should start a new blog under a new name...I guess we all now know which decision I made.

This past year has had it's ups and downs, but everything was amplified, so the bad was really bad and the good was really good...unimaginable. My husband's family is suffering, but still they are the lucky ones, knowing people who have died, disappeared and hearing the booming sound of attacks near by. But still, they have food and heat most days. No other country but Sweden will accept Syrian refugees, Germany has given at least some half assed attempt and offered a temporary solution. My country, Canada says it will take in 1300 Syrians by the end of 2014. A pitiful number for a country that takes in Filipinos at a rapid rate to work at Tim Hortons'. So who are these refugees Canada will be taking in? Certainly not anyone in my husband's family, they are taking in only the most needy. At risk minorities like Christians, rich Damascenes from areas like Malki where the president lives, and maybe, possibly a family living in a refugee camp, for a nice front page piece in the Vancouver Sun. The world has turned it's back on Syria and only in the future will people realize what a terrible thing they turned a blind eye to. Maybe they'll make a short film that will go viral on youtube and call it "Assad 2020".

Last spring I was blessed and given the opportunity to go on umrah. A few of my husband's family are living in Saudi right now, including my mother in law and two brother in laws. My father in law was living in Saudi at the time, but has unfortunately been stuck in Syria for the past week, unable to leave because he is expected to return to the army....at 60 years old. We are all praying the Syrian government will let him leave safely. Saudi was a lot of things, it was wonderful, hot, interesting, sad, amazing, awe inspiring and many times I was left speechless. We stayed in Medina, across the street from my in laws and only a 20 minute walk to Medina an Nabawi. Medina taught me a lot of things and for me personally, if there was one thing I really learned was that the sahaba were in so many ways just like many of us. They were regular people living in a terrible time, Islam came to them, and changed them. These people were willing to change their old ways, ingrained cultural habits that were haram became abandoned, the sahaba were always learning, they weren't perfect, but they had a great amount of faith.

Now that my oldest began kindergarten in the Islamic school, I'm forced to face other Muslims more often, and I do, usually with a lot of anxiety. The first week of school there was some woman who just couldn't stop scawling at me. She'd look me up and down in front of my four year old as we waited for my older child and gave me the dirtiest looks. The last time anyone gave me this kind of look was when my eldest was in a regular run of the mill preschool and this old Christian woman looked at me this same way in disgust. That time with the Christian woman I was wearing my hijab, this time with the Muslim woman I was not, these types of people are all the same and can't stand anyone different. This, along with a few other unwelcome stares and unfriendly faces has made me hate picking up my daughter. I wish I didn't care what other people thought of me, I try not to care, I tell myself that these people aren't worth the stress. But when I walk onto the school grounds I sometimes get nervous, I sometimes stumble or do something clumsy....worst of all I develop a stutter....good thing on most days no one talks to me and thank God my husband has the kind of job where he can pick up our daughter from school more then every other day. Despite all my grievances I do like the school, I actually like it much more than I thought I would and I have to say my daughter has a really good teacher. I don't expect much, if anything to change with me and most other Muslims, I figure if things would have changed, it would have happened a long time ago.

The Muslims You Meet

I'm sure no one remembers who I am and that's OK none of you ever befriended me anyways. Maybe it was my strong objection to conforming to the stereotypical, "life never gets to me Muslim", or maybe it was because I'm not of your culture, or maybe it's because I'm not a new Muslim...I'm damaged goods and people like me are too late to save. It could also be because I've figured out that overly religious appearing people are usually not that religious, and that's how you like to act......oh yea I've figured you out, if you are so religious why didn't anyone help me when I needed it?!?!?!??!

My imam is at an all time low, my plans and hopes have gone down the toilet. Ideas for the mosque were trampled on, spit on and forever forgotten by old cultural men that run every aspect of the Muslim community here. I was let down time and time again, the one time I asked for help everyone disappeared, the help wasn't for me, but for the people in Syria. It's disgusting how materialistic people are but they can't throw $1 towards people who are suffering unless it's Ramadan.

I gave up wearing my head scarf last February. Yea say what you will, assume the worst of me, gossip about me and degrade me. After all, that's what people here did, I'm no longer welcome in the Muslim community, I was removed from all 5 of the community events email lists by someone who happily had some stranger pay off their credit card debt. Ain't that great. All I did was remove a 3 foot piece of cloth from my head, I didn't deny what I was doing was wrong, I didn't convert to another religion, I didn't cheat on my husband and I sure didn't kill anyone. Now if I belonged to one of the major cultural Muslim groups here, I could gamble, lie, cheat and steal and still be considered a Muslim, you might even want to help me improve my life. I'm white, I chose Islam and you've expected nothing but the best from me, despite being human, I'm not allowed to make mistakes, I must fall in line!

Tell me oh righteous and religious people of the world, where do you get off treating people like this? Excluding your "sister" in Islam......btw that word is severely abused. Shameful. Disgusting. You isolate people, dawa is not just for the non Muslims. As much as I worry for myself on the day of judgement I worry for the people who stand there as hypocrites and push others further and further from Islam.